Rip It Up and Start Again:

An old favourite by Orange Juice ... whatever happened to them once Edwyn Collins left?

The doors to the past were finally laid to rest on Monday at noon, and my life was able to begin again unencumbered. I have a lot of lessons to learn, mainly about myself, and how I deal with situations, but finally I am in the position whereby the past cannot crash with the present anymore. What a lucky chap I am.

Whilst things on the domestic from may be less than harmonious perfection, dealing with all the admin and paperwork seems to have received a lubricating shot of oil, and progress is being made daily. I now need to knuckle down, decide where I want to go from here, what I want to do, and start to lay some solid foundations.

One of the first things on the agenda is a new mobile 'phone - perhaps a Sony Ericsson Cybershot ... I hear it can do cool things, and is great for keeping up with my Blog.

Move on:

A weekend ahead for closing chapters in the book. Tuesday will see new chapters opening, and new directions being taken. It's very scary. I'm stronger. I have my life to live.

Tracks of my tears:

I've discovered Stat Counter, which enables me to see how many visits my Blog gets, and indeed roughly where in the world the visitors are coming from. Unfortunately the URLs only show from either my Blog or Facebook accounts, so I don't know who is reading.

If you are happy to say so, it would be nice to have a comment, saying who you are and where you are from. Only a little something to humour me.

Thanks,

Spicey.

Ashes to Ashes:

Sorting through old letters, cards, photographs and trinkets, and deciding what to put in the casket with my mum's ashes. So far I have decided on the following:

• Her pocket dictionary and bibles
• A couple of photographs of the three children together
• A couple of pictures of my mum with her dad
• Some of her music and dancing certificates
• Birth announcement cards for us children
• Her birth certificate, first driving licence and first passport
• A couple of pictures and paperwork from her wedding day (don't ask!)
• Some bits of jewellery
• Her dad's medals/awards from the first world war
• Her Butlin's staff badges - they were a surprise!
• Two small crucifixes

That's it, being sealed at lunchtime, ready for taking to Middlesbrough this weekend.

# Casket was actually quite small, so some of the larger photos, as well as the dictionary and some trinkets didn't make it. Still, I think that what DID make it should serve as a happy set of reminders.

Keep talking:

It's good to keep talking, even if it may be a little fractious. Talking helps to heal rifts and clear up misunderstandings. It may even mend the cracks that appear in nice and shiny vases.

New beginnings, old endings:

I knew today was going to happen, so hence the balance.

STAK opened for business in the new premises on High Cross Street. A great day was had by all, and much needed money was raised in donations and raffle ticket sales. A new and positive beginning. www.stak.org.uk

An ending - I am now single once again, and expect to remain so for a very long time. My pearl and I could not resolve differences, but I have no sadness over the end. She helped me on my path to getting my life back, and I guess that we'll be talking again, once the dust has settled, and before too long.

Short entry, few words, no tears.

To clarify - having no sadness is not the same as being happy about the situation ... I'd prefer things to be different, but I have gained so much in the last year that it is hard to feel sad about any one thing.

Turning back the years:

After fifteen long and hard months, running just behind thirty long and painful years, I finally have my life back. It may be a chaotic mess, but it's my chaotic mess, and for me to sort out as I wish. The chaotic mess isn't a bad thing, it's just that there are so many things to do, and not enough time in which to do them.

However, I've now got everything I want, and being something new it will take some time to find a proper balance to these things.

The world is truly my oyster, and already I have the biggest pearl.

Just wanted to thank Responsiva for some help in sourcing business data leads for STAK.

Ch ch ch ch ch changes, turn and face the strain:

I just wanna be a different man.

What a year, what a change, and what a person who was the catalyst for that change. I'd love to get back into blogging daily, but I have such a hectic schedule, and time may not allow.

However, life is so much better now, so much fuller and so much more rewarding. I know I will get back to writing a blog, but it may well be from a different place, and certainly from a different perspective.

And finally I have a baby who has completely captured my heart. What a difference a day makes, and what a day for a daydream.