Always On My mind.

Yesterday I received a letter from Jen's solicitor, which left me feeling both upbeat and downbeat at the same time. On the upside was the fact that she would agree to a meeting to discuss issues, but this was conditional on the meeting being in the presence of the solicitor. So, no privacy somewhat defeats the point of a private meeting, and therefore the positive became a negative. Also negative was the tone the solicitor took in the letter - in a nutshell the solicitor told me to ' ... sign and return the paperwork ... and just do as you are told ... !'

I don't like that one bit, all along I have been civil and polite, if a little obstinate and procrastinating, but this is also my marriage as well, and if I wish to stall for time, to attempt reconciliation, that is my right. However, I am pretty much resigned to the fact that it is going to happen anyway, as Jen is just so blind to the way she has been manipulated by Grima over the last two years, and indeed previously, but she will hear no wrong against him, and I can't force her to change her mind.

I'm not quite moving on yet, although I have started to move forwards. There is some vague and misty future there in front of me, I can't quite make it out, but some of the shadows are beckoning to a different light, and a different set of experiences. I am still waiting to hear about the job, at least waiting for a start date, and am also engaging in deep and meaningful conversations with some nice people online.

To sum up my current situation I would say I am back where I was before Jen and I got together ... it is all now a matter of turning a different corner, and continuing walking without looking back.

" ... you can't reach for the stars if you are forever looking at the ground, and you can't hope for the future if you are forever fearing the past ... "