Today I received an email from Jenny's solicitor, effectively 'reminding' me to be a little more prompt in completing and signing the relevant paperwork for submission to the court. I must confess to being very reluctant to do this, at least until now, because it has felt almost as if I am signing my own death warrant. Dramatics aside, I still rail against the idea of signing anything that will finalise the divorce that I do not want.
Still, the upshot of this is, and the news reaches me five days later at that, we are still married, at least legally if not practically. I cannot confess to feelings of either elation or despondency, rather it feels like a never ending battle of wills to see who will be the first to give way. I accept that it is futile attempting to actually save the marriage at this point, and am resigned to the fact that the divorce will happen. This is more to do with a belief that Jenny believes it is what she wants, that she believes it is the right thing, and if this is what she believes then I can't go against that.
I still think she is wrong to believe these things, but that is for her to realise, not me.
However, with this email also came the proposal of a thirty minute meeting that I have so long yearned for. This would take place in the solicitor's office, with them present, so if I am honest I do not think it will be worth having after all. That is saddening, as what I really wished for from a meeting was a heart to heart with Jen, to clear up misunderstandings, and to part in some form of civility and on reasonably good terms. Unfortunately that will not happen now, as whilst I asked for this meeting many times, I have now declined the offer, instead suggesting that Jenny emails me with her doubts and explanations. I ask only that she is honest and truthful in this ...
... to be continued ...
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