It's a beautiful day.

I had a very late night last night, up chatting to friends online until about 03:30, and consequently woke up late this morning ... oh, the shame of it all. Still, I'm awake now, slight headache for some unknown reason, but it's a beautiful day outside: brisk wind, but not too strong, bright sunshine, but not too bright, and a chill in the air, bracing but not too cold. Today is a day for feeling good ...

Once up and about I think I shall go for a walk to the beach, sit on the sitty stone, and look out to sea. I should not imagine much has changed at the beach, but it is now three days since I was last there, and I need to keep reminding myself that the beach, the cliffs and the waves were my primary motivation for returning to Cornwall. Jen was the reason I returned when I did, but the sea was the driving force that brought about the desire to move.

Strange thoughts running through my head this morning, residual thoughts from some equally strange dreams. A future is slowly materialising in my mind, nothing definite, but hazy shadows and outlines, images that have me alone once more, so I feel sure that this is an indication that things will start to improve over time. I only wish I knew some of the details of this future: when and where I will be working, who the important people in my life will be (apart from the children) and how my head and my heart will cope with the change.

But change happens, as a friend said " ... change is not linear ... " so I need to go with the flow, and accept whatever changes happen, and when they do. I have had this mindset before, but it has usually been accompanied by a slight degree of control over events. Now I am in at the deep end, struggling for sanity and emotional survival, and it may be a good idea to just let go, and let events take me where they will.

Today is a beautiful day.