Tuesday's visit to the Counsellor was fine ... all things present and correct, and yours truly making good progress. Emotional knocks are incredibly difficult to recover from, primarily because you find yourself in a state of denial about the situation you are in. Once you recognise the knock for what it is, recognise that further efforts are mainly futile, and realise that you have 'been here before,' things start to get a little easier, and you can take the first step to recovery.
For me that was about eight weeks ago, but taking that first step is incredibly hard: your feet are stuck to the ground as if held by treacle, and the effort is paralysing. You know you want to do it, you know you need to do it, but you are in such an entropic state that 'tomorrow' is always the preferred option. Still, I'm getting there, slowly, and just being here is a help ... to write about it, to express my feelings ... that is a part of the healing process.
I'll think of something more interesting to write next time, less moribund, and without the company of Maude and Lynne. Those two ladies seem to hang around a lot when you are down, watching your every move, castigating you for every optimistic thought. Harridans, the pair of them ...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Dealing with issues ...
I have a session with my counsellor this morning, one that has been rescheduled, as the previous appointment was cancelled due to the (very rare) snow we had in Cornwall three weeks ago.
This is ongoing therapy, to help me deal with depression and issues of self-confidence, mainly brought about by the separation from my wife Jenny, and the pending divorce, but dealing with depression is also a legacy issue from my past. It isn't nice, and it isn't pretty, but once you can accept that you suffer from depression, managing and coping with it does become somewhat easier.
For sure, some people just don't 'do depression,' and whilst this is a rather callous viewpoint, it is hard for anyone who has not experienced depression to a) understand it and b) realise just what a devastating blow it can deal to you. For those people I sincerely hope that they never need to experience the loneliness and futility that it brings, but I do ask that they recognise that 'invisible' illnesses are often the hardest to bear.
Over the years I have come to realise that depression is always with me, no matter what I do or what drugs I take. However, just being aware of this allows me to recognise the symptoms of the onset of a depressive episode, and I can then make allowances to cope with it for the following few weeks. Sometimes it is a day or two, sometimes a few weeks, but the effects on my life are always the same.
If life is being kind to me, then a single bad day does not cause too much trouble, but if life is being cruddy, with many things going wrong, then it seems so much easier to fall back into the retreat and solitude of a depressive state, because here I can hide behind my walls ... and no-one can touch me.
Oh well, I guess I had better be going to the doctor's now.
This is ongoing therapy, to help me deal with depression and issues of self-confidence, mainly brought about by the separation from my wife Jenny, and the pending divorce, but dealing with depression is also a legacy issue from my past. It isn't nice, and it isn't pretty, but once you can accept that you suffer from depression, managing and coping with it does become somewhat easier.
For sure, some people just don't 'do depression,' and whilst this is a rather callous viewpoint, it is hard for anyone who has not experienced depression to a) understand it and b) realise just what a devastating blow it can deal to you. For those people I sincerely hope that they never need to experience the loneliness and futility that it brings, but I do ask that they recognise that 'invisible' illnesses are often the hardest to bear.
Over the years I have come to realise that depression is always with me, no matter what I do or what drugs I take. However, just being aware of this allows me to recognise the symptoms of the onset of a depressive episode, and I can then make allowances to cope with it for the following few weeks. Sometimes it is a day or two, sometimes a few weeks, but the effects on my life are always the same.
If life is being kind to me, then a single bad day does not cause too much trouble, but if life is being cruddy, with many things going wrong, then it seems so much easier to fall back into the retreat and solitude of a depressive state, because here I can hide behind my walls ... and no-one can touch me.
Oh well, I guess I had better be going to the doctor's now.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Google AdSense ...
Well,
I found out what the problem was, and typically it was nothing to do with Google at all ... they seem to still hold true to the 'Do No Evil' ethos, and I love them for it.
No, the problem was my own preferences for browsing, specifically with Firefox, and more specifically an abject loathing of all the adverts on Facebook. Damn, they are annoying, so annoying in fact that I had the AdBlock plug-in installled ... and what is Google AdSense all about ... ?
Cue the process to contact support, and one of the final questions about ' ... what ad-blocking software do you have installed ...?' Kerrchinngg!
Sometimes we can be too smart for our own good. Still, that is now sorted, I expect to see some Google Ads on this Blog at some time, but for now I am off for a beer or two.
I found out what the problem was, and typically it was nothing to do with Google at all ... they seem to still hold true to the 'Do No Evil' ethos, and I love them for it.
No, the problem was my own preferences for browsing, specifically with Firefox, and more specifically an abject loathing of all the adverts on Facebook. Damn, they are annoying, so annoying in fact that I had the AdBlock plug-in installled ... and what is Google AdSense all about ... ?
Cue the process to contact support, and one of the final questions about ' ... what ad-blocking software do you have installed ...?' Kerrchinngg!
Sometimes we can be too smart for our own good. Still, that is now sorted, I expect to see some Google Ads on this Blog at some time, but for now I am off for a beer or two.
Saturday Night
I'll get into the hang of Blogging daily, or even more frequently than that ... honest!
Still waiting to hear about returning to my old place of work with HMRC. Interviews last week, which went very well, and back in yesterday for some work assessment tests. Why oh why can't these things all be done in a single appointment?
Still, I should hear next week. Also bugging me is my attempt to activate Google AdSense to this Blog (not that it will be highly visited, but hey, a few pennies will never be refused) I signed up, got the activation email, and I am desperately trying to find a way to enter my details as required ... there are no fields or boxes, just a blank page.
This would not be so bad, but Blogger keeps telling me I need to activate the account ... and we go round in never-ending circles. Today I have been chatting with Jake, my eldest, but Liam has not been online because he is no longer talking to me. That could have something to do with the fact that I reported him to Facebook for being underage. The cheeky little monkey put his mobile number to his profile, and would not delete it when I told him to.
Children should learn to do as they are told by their parents, especially in areas where online safety is a major concern. He will learn ... and he will add me back to his friends list ... once he is out of his teenage temper tantrum.
Still waiting to hear about returning to my old place of work with HMRC. Interviews last week, which went very well, and back in yesterday for some work assessment tests. Why oh why can't these things all be done in a single appointment?
Still, I should hear next week. Also bugging me is my attempt to activate Google AdSense to this Blog (not that it will be highly visited, but hey, a few pennies will never be refused) I signed up, got the activation email, and I am desperately trying to find a way to enter my details as required ... there are no fields or boxes, just a blank page.
This would not be so bad, but Blogger keeps telling me I need to activate the account ... and we go round in never-ending circles. Today I have been chatting with Jake, my eldest, but Liam has not been online because he is no longer talking to me. That could have something to do with the fact that I reported him to Facebook for being underage. The cheeky little monkey put his mobile number to his profile, and would not delete it when I told him to.
Children should learn to do as they are told by their parents, especially in areas where online safety is a major concern. He will learn ... and he will add me back to his friends list ... once he is out of his teenage temper tantrum.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Do I really have a Blogspot?
In all the excitement of the last couple of years, what with moving, marrying, divorcing, changing jobs and the like, as well as the advent of Facebook and Twitter, I had completely forgotten that I ever started a Blog. Granted, there was not much content, but the intention was there.
Perhaps I will continue, now that I have found the bookmark again, and it is a truism that a Blog will always be that little bit more personal than some notes and comments on Facebook.
So, I'm in for some testing tomorrow, to return to my old job. This was left due to personal reasons, domestics that really did require a lot of my time and attention, but I do hope to be back at work sometime in the next couple of weeks.
It's quite late now, so I will consider catching up over the weekend, rediscovering my own personal Blogspot, and generally doing whatever it is that Bloggers are supposed to do. After all, other people are Blogging, why the hell aren't I?
Perhaps I will continue, now that I have found the bookmark again, and it is a truism that a Blog will always be that little bit more personal than some notes and comments on Facebook.
So, I'm in for some testing tomorrow, to return to my old job. This was left due to personal reasons, domestics that really did require a lot of my time and attention, but I do hope to be back at work sometime in the next couple of weeks.
It's quite late now, so I will consider catching up over the weekend, rediscovering my own personal Blogspot, and generally doing whatever it is that Bloggers are supposed to do. After all, other people are Blogging, why the hell aren't I?
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