Yesterday the spark of hope went out, and my heart was sealed into its iron clad casket, because yesterday I received a letter from Jenny, via the solicitors, addressing the concerns I had asked be addressed directly by her. I had requested that she be brutally honest, and she was, and whilst it didn't make for pleasant reading, I know the words were her own.
One element of my anxieties was laid to rest, and this was a relief, and for that I thank her. It was a very personal and painful area for both of us, but at least in this there is closure. For the rest of it? Well, Hell would need to freeze over before I am convinced of Jen's attitude to relationships, and that that last two years, in her eyes at least, have been based on purely materialistic principles.
For the rest, the cynic and empathic person inside me says that most of it is nonsense, and that deep down she doesn't really mean what she has said. However, at this point in time it is important to recognise that these are the things that she believes in her head, so I have to take it all at face value.
There will come a day when Grima is no longer around, a day when the real Jenny, locked away against love, that Jenny will one day wake up again, and at that point I hope that she will look around, and look back, and recognise the loss that has happened now ... the loss and waste of two years that could have been better spent. I recognise my own failings, I pray that she will do the same.
Jenny, if you are reading this (now there would be a thing!) please know that I love you.
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