Two days away from a divorce, and I am as nervous as hell. This is not a divorce that I want, so I am appealing to the Courts for an adjournment, and hoping that a direction is passed for mediation. It occurs to me that she has not even told me to my face that she wants a divorce, nor has she given any valid reasons ... only excuses!
This has all been about a lack of understanding and communication, and if I am honest we are both as much to blame. However, the ear for communication has always been open for my part, and I feel that my biggest failing in all of this is that I have not been as forthright as perhaps I should have been.
The last few months have been traumatic in the extreme, leaving me emotionally and mentally crippled. I have found it nearly impossible to function in a normal daily routine, am trapped in an entropic limbo, and am unable, at this time, to simply put one foot in front of the other and move forward. I will get over it, eventually, and I will start to function once again ... I guess that it is just a big excuse, but until Wednesday has been (or not, if my appeal succeeds) I am unable to have any 'closing point' to use as an anchor for my forward moving.
I'm an emotional chap, very loyal in the extreme, and believe that marriage is a scared thing. It is certainly not something to be abandoned on a whim, and the feeling that I am experiencing most strongly at the moment is a sense of futile disappointment. I am fighting hard to hang onto the marriage, despite all the damage, because I believe so strongly that love will help us to overcome all that has happened so far ... my other half however believes that it is acceptable to just give up after the first hiccup.
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